The panic sets in

I haven’t written for a couple of weeks now, partly due to illness (its winter where I live and so very cold), and partly due to panic.  Panic over the amount of things that I have to do in the next 4 weeks and 4 days, and how little I seem to be achieving.

Procrastination is something I usually manage to push through.  At the moment though, I think the tasks at hand are just so overwhelming its hard to know where to start.  I did achieve one big thing this week, I found tenants for my house.  So at least I don’t have to worry about paying my mortgage for a while.  Whilst this is a huge relief, it also means I no longer have the excuse of “Open for Inspections” to stop me from sorting through my belongings and commence packing my life into boxes.

I am excited about moving, but am finding even the thought of the process of sorting and packing very emotional.  What will I choose to keep?  More significantly, what will I choose to throw or give away? As a Cancerian hoarder, I find letting go of things very challenging at the best of times.

I have had many friends and family members offer to help me, but I think this is something I have to do on my own.  The thought of packing some things away, things so tangled in memories, hopes and dreams that didn’t eventuate, that tears well up in my eyes at just the thought of it. I have achieved so many amazing things that I am proud of, but I have also experienced some things that are so painful, its impossible to pack them in a box and hide them away.

I know I will get there eventually, but finding a way through the emotional inertia will be my task for the next week.